Being patriotic isn’t just about abject symbolism or standing up for the national anthem at the cinema.
It’s about keeping your great country clean by not littering.
It’s about separating waste and recycling at home so that the $1 a day waste-pickers don’t have to sort it out with their bare hands in the rubbish truck.
It’s about paying tax – even on the 200 Cr ($30m) development which you’ve just finished.
It’s about following civic rules.
It’s about not breaking civic rules just because everyone else is doing it.
It’s about not instructing your rickshaw or Uber-wallah to go down a one-way street just because you’re late – and not pulling social rank if he refuses.
It’s about not smoking illegally and inconsiderately in bars as some of my friends were doing on Saturday night at Nomad – just because you’re 10 social classes higher than the bar manager and he’d lose his job if you complained because all the bars in Bombay are owned by our rich friends. You’re good, intelligent people, and I love you, but why the hell do you do that when you can step outside and smoke?
It’s about allowing your 24/7 watchman or house-help Sundays off so they can be with their family or friends at least one day a week.
It’s about appreciating that most Indian people are warm and generous, and not everyone on a lower social caste is out to get us, the privileged few.
It’s about having a healthy sporting rivalry with Pakistan – as we Brits do with Germany – without letting it degrade into hatred. You are the same people. Put aside your divisive religions and learn to love each other, as we now love Germans (and their bloody amazing cars), and begrudgingly accept that they play better football than we do.
It’s about supporting your local Indian Soccer League team at their stadiums instead of cheering on Arsenal or Man Utd match shown live at the bar at 2am.
It’s about believing in your great nation, which will be at the forefront of the world economy within a decade, without becoming a hard-wired, ultra-nationalist twat.
It’s about Jai Hind not being victory over an enemy – because true victory is when you make your enemies your friends, and you get to live in peace.
And most importantly, it’s about importing the right type of biscuits in controlled temperatures and from the right countries, instead of the crap that you ship in from Dubai.
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY to my Indian friends today, and my Pakistani friends yesterday.
Jai Hind. Jai McVities.